Well. I tried to find something to blog about. What the hell. I’m going to discuss my kidney health issues. I have my own two kidneys failures. The first kidney failure was at birth. This happens before I born. The second kidney was working fine. At the age of 7, the doctor noticed that my second kidney shape look strange. But wasn’t sure if it would work all of my life. At the age of 28, the second kidney failed. I had a kidney transplant in 2008. I had my transplant kidney working for 10 years. Until February 2018, it failed again. For a transplanted kidney, the 10 years of working is not bad. Not seriously has as very short-lived transplant kidneys.

I am getting kidney dialysis three times a week. I must have an appointment several times for my kidney evaluation.

I do have live kidney donor, but the donor does not yet test. I do not know when the donor will go through the test before donor this person’s kidney to me. Hopefully soon, not too long.

Recently, they also discovered I have another health issue. I have a reflex. A pancreas issue. They already tested by the scope and taking pictures in my pancreas. They called us about it. They told me that they haven’t decided whatever watching for my pancreas or will have surgery for it.

I don’t know when they will contact us for more information and what is their plans are…

I might keep you update when I can.

It all started in 1997 when I was in junior year (11th grade in high school). Okay. Let me tell you a little bit about my life when I was a very young boy.

My family is a very strong Christian family. My life was a bible-belt life. I’ve lived in the pre-internet world about 19 years of my life (1979 to 1998) The information about the world was very limited.

My mom bought a book called Conversations With God Part 1 published by Neale Donald Walsch. My mom showed me a book and I read it. For a 18 years old boy, it was very confused. It was about 20 years ago that I don’t remember all of this book, but part of the book. The book talks about there are no right or wrong. I was asking a question myself “What does ‘no right and wrong’ mean?” All of my childhood and a teenage life I was taught that there ARE right and wrong in life. I didn’t understand it at that time because as a teenager boy, it’s like saying there are no wrongs to murder someone. That doesn’t make sense. So I talked to my family about it, and they explained to me, but I still wasn’t completely understood it, because as I said before, it’s like saying there are no wrongs to murder someone.

But I choose to read some more because I might understand it better. And YES, murder is WRONG all the way, okay?! Some of it in the books woke me up about the bible has been written a thousand years ago based on a thousand years old culture. The present-day Middle East culture are different from thousand years ago Middle East culture. That made sense to me. I found out the truth about the history of medieval Europe and the church of its time. The medieval churches had a history of having fear-tactics to control people. I found out in middle medieval times, they threaten people to convert to Christian or get killed.

I was confused and wasn’t sure if I should change the way I was thinking. I was scared to change the way I was thinking for a few years. In 2002, I finally gained some confidence in myself. All of my childhood and teenager, I don’t have very strong confidence in myself. I believed that I cannot be myself. I must follow my parents’ way. I re-read Conversations With God Part 1. I decided to be open up myself and be more confident in myself.

I bought more books published by Neale Donald Walsch. The more I read, the more I wasn’t sure of his books because it seems that he thinks that he has all the answers.
I decided to try different books that my Mom bought. The book was published by a different author, Sylvia Browne (1936 – 2013). I like these books and bought a lot and a lot of books. I like her beliefs in new spirituality. I loved it so much that I believed in her books. It was so comforting thoughts for me. I loved it so much.

In about 2004 – 2005, I watched the bible documentary on History channel. One thing makes a point. If Adam and Eve were the first people, then how does Cain got his wife from? The bible doesn’t even say anything about where Cain’s wife come from.

This has been in my thoughts for a long time. Where does Cain’s wife come from? I did re-read and re-read the bible over and over, and it doesn’t even say anything about where Cain’s wife come from.

I’ve noticed in my old bible written in the Contemporary English Version. In Genesis 10:21 “Shem’s descendants had their own languages”. Then in Genesis 11 talk about The Tower of Babel. In Genesis 11:1 “At first everyone spoke the same language”.

Wait. Wait… Does Genesis 10 come before 11? First, the bible says everyone has their own language… Then in Genesis 11 the bible start to talk about the tower of babel states that everyone spoke the same languages? That doesn’t make sense to me.
I decided to quit christianity and join the new spirituality. In 2012, I discovered a new non-christian religion Pagan. I decided to try it out. I join it and made myself a solo-pagan. I have been a solo-pagan for a few years. In 2015, my belief in pagan started to fade and fade and fade.

I no longer feel connect to spiritual world anymore. I tried to research more religion and new spiritually. I feel nothing but I didn’t give up until 2018. I decided to officially become an agnostic!

I was reading a blog post at A New Start – 80’s Summer. First of all, I realize that this link talks about the kids and the technology and has a skill to hack devices.

While I read that link, I’ve decided to talk about my feeling about technology taking over not just children, but also adults’ lives. I’ll have to admit — Yes. I do use technology. Only because I am isolated for 20 years. After my high school high school graduation in 1998, I have no contact with my friends… Expect my family. That is… Until the social media come up on the Internet. That would make sense for me to use technology because I am so lonely and have no one to talk to.

Now on to why I prefer to live in the late 80s to early 90s. That era was of course pre-Internet. No Facebook, no YouTube, and no blogs. I believe that the technology separate people from their friends and family. In that era, there was not much of technology. Yes, we do have computers back then, but there was no World Wide Web. We had some type of network where you could send messages to another computer. But the network was designed for business.

In the 80s and 90s, we had to go outside a lot, and I mean a lot to make friends meeting new friends. Not sitting on our asses and stare at the computer screen. If I had a job and had a lot and a lot of friends, I might won’t have YouTube and a blog. Facebook? Maybe, because it’s a way to connect my family who lives far away. I use YouTube and this blog to connect with another people around the world. It’s the only way I could talk to people.

Why I didn’t get out a lot. Well…. I have really serious kidney issues. Also, I have too much health issues like I couldn’t take a long, long walk. I didn’t drive because I am too scared. So. It’s like I am stuck in the house. In this day and age, 99.999% of jobs require skill and experience which I don’t have any.

In the 80s and 90s, I was a kid, pre-teen to a teenager. I am now 39 years old. At that time, I had a lot of toys to play and go outside a lot to keep me busy… But today… With no jobs because of no skills, and no experiences, and my too many very serious health issues… I am forced to be stuck in my house 24/7…

Man, I miss the old days… I am 39 years old and lonely… All alone…